As we mentioned in our blog post 10 Ways to Effectively Manage a Pandemic - Back to the Basics, our brains are having a hard time processing what is going on right now because this is not something we have encountered before. We do not have any past experiences to understand or make sense of this challenging situation. You may be wondering if we as adults are struggling, how can we help our children through this? While times right now can feel scary, stressful, or uncertain, know that there are absolutely things within your control to help you and your children get through this effectively! Here are our top 10 tips:
Provide age appropriate resources. We as parents do need to inform our children of what is going on. For many, their whole schedules have been turned upside down and some may even feel afraid of what is happening. Based on the age of your child, you are going to want to explain what is happening differently. For example, a first grader does not need to know death counts and shortages of supplies; however, it is appropriate for them to know that there is a sickness going around and the reason we are staying home is so we can all do our part in keeping everyone safe and healthy. We do want to give them facts, we do not want to lie to them about what is going on, and we need to do this in a way they can understand.
Early elementary school children: Provide brief, basic information that balances facts about the virus with reassurance that they do not need to worry and that adults are here to keep them safe. Talk about basic steps to stop germs from spreading such as washing hands (while singing ABCs) and staying home to keep healthy.
Middle school children: Answer questions they may have and provide reassurance that they do not need to worry and adults are working to manage what is happening. Provide more information about how to keep germs from spreading such as staying home, distancing from others, washing hands, and not touching their face. You can provide more information on what is happening on a state, national, and community level to manage the illness.
High school students: Issues can be discussed in greater depth. Refer them to appropriate resources for the facts. Provide honest, accurate, and factual information to help them understand what is happening. Discuss what are valid sources of information versus sources that instill fear.
If you have more specific questions about how to speak with your children about what is happening please do not hesitate to reach out to us for help! Here are a couple of great resources/stories that explain the COVID-19 very well for kids:
Limit news exposure. This is especially important for younger children. When children are exposed to certain types of media about COVID-19 it can be very scary to them especially because of the content that is often discussed (e.g., deaths, panic, etc., and let’s be honest, it can be scary for us too!). It is recommended that younger children do not obtain information about COVID-19 from the news and instead you provide them with the necessary information.
Check in with them to make sure they understand what is going on. This is especially true if they have been watching the news along with you or hearing your family discuss the current events. Children/teens may struggle to understand what is happening and what our brains naturally do to understand situations we have difficulty making sense of is to “fill in the gaps” and for children this can include information that is not factually based and perhaps fuels unnecessary anxiety. Always check in with them to make sure they have appropriate information. For example, you can ask them if they know why they are being asked to stay home, why they cannot see friends, what they know about the COVID-19, etc.
Validate their emotions. As always we want to validate! Validation is just acknowledging their experiences (whatever they may be) that they are facing with this abrupt shift in their schedules and concern regarding COVID-19. Children can have a range of responses to what is occurring. You may find that your child is very vocal about their concerns with what is occurring and may express fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or sadness. On the other hand, your child may not verbalize much of a reaction to what is happening. Some children may be having reactions, but may not be verbalizing their concerns because they do not know how to express them and may instead show us through their behavior. For example, increased acting out behavior may suggest that they are feeling overwhelmed with the changes occurring and you can validate this by saying: “I wonder if you are feeling overwhelmed with all of the recent changes going on, we have had a lot of things change lately.” If you would like more information regarding validation and how to validate, please check out our recent presentation on validation:
Demonstrate healthy emotion regulation for them (manage your own anxieties). Just as children may have a range of reactions/responses to what is occurring we as adults do as well! You may find that you have been very calm about what is happening or you may find that you yourself have felt very overwhelmed, stressed, fearful, or anxious. Any of these responses are appropriate and valid. If you are feeling more overwhelmed it is important to seek out your own support as children learn to regulate their emotions through their caregiver’s modeling of emotion regulation. We are all doing our best and we aren’t looking for perfection here, but it is important to note that we must be mindful of how we are doing (putting our oxygen masks on first) in order to take care of our littles!
Follow a (loose) schedule. We do not need to be super strict here and follow a minute by minute schedule (if that works for your family and goes over smoothly and calmly—go for it). However, for most it is important to just follow a loose routine (you do not even need to name the routine to your children, but have a loose routine in your mind that you follow). Just as adults benefit from trying to stick to a daily schedule, kids benefit from this as well. For example, similar wake/bedtime routines, time for play, art, screen time, and similar meal times. Trying to give them some sense of freedom as well as predictability can go a long way.
Try to reduce pressure to drill academics. Pick your battles. This is a challenging time for all of us and ALL children are in the same boat. You may feel worried about them falling behind and how this will impact them academically and it makes sense you are concerned because you care about your child. An important thing to remember is that all children are lacking the exact academic structure they are used to AND they will all get through this together! Please remember that your child will benefit most from and remember not what they learned during this time, but how YOU made them feel. Also, know that teachers are the experts in this area and they are there to help you troubleshoot any academic problems--please reach out to them for support as needed.
Help them stay connected with friends and family. Social distancing does not have to mean social disconnection. This is especially important for children/teens as socializing is very important developmentally. You can assist them with this by contacting other parents to set up video chat sessions with friends, helping to send art or letters to friends/family, or just checking in with them to see if they have other ideas they would like to connect with others right now.
Use this as a time for increased connection with YOU. Again, a major thing children are going to remember most during this time is how they felt. You can use this as a time to slow down, go back to the basics, and connect! Play a game, check out something new online, get creative with art together, ask them what they would like to do. Take time to slow down with them and reassure them of your connection.
Take advantage of awesome resources to help keep you sane. So many bloggers are posting free activities to keep your kids busy, which can take the load off of you for coming up with ideas. Check out these sites:
As always, we are here to help! We are currently offering telehealth appointments. These work very well for obtaining parenting support or conducting individual sessions with children/teens (in fact they think it’s kind of fun)! Please reach out to us for more information.
We are here to help Embolden YOU!
